Letting Go.

I'm not posting this to my Facebook or Twitter. This is for me and my followers that aren't local. Actually no one has to read this I just really need to get it off my chest. I broke up with a serious love today, there was no anger or hate towards this person - only love. I guess I just knew in the long run that it wouldn't work out and I prayed and prayed about it, hoping that I would be wrong about that but God's answer was clear. I feel kind of broken but also kind of free. I don't feel as though I should feel those things? I still love him very very much and that will never change - he will always be my first true love - but I really think this was the best for both of us in the long run. I hope that he will continue to trust and open up to others and most of all I hope that he will have a serious, insane, out of this world love in the future. One that makes him appreciate the pain that he went through to get there. I know one day I'll know he is married to another woman who makes him absolutely ecstatic and I will be raising my champagne glass from wherever I am to cheer's him and his love.

I think I might take a weeny little break from blogging, well actually idk. It really depends how I feel in the coming week. I hope you're all alright with that, I'll be back in a bit.
xx

Finding Yourself.

Have you ever seen those silly crossword puzzles where the first however many words reflect what you see in yourself or how your year will be or what you look for in love or a million other possibilities? Yea, I'm kinda a sucker for those. 

HEALTH. 

SUCCESS.

INTELLIGENCE.

Sometimes all these things are is silly, not motivational, not inspiring, etc. I have to say though, I quite like this one. I feel like the three words really struck a chord with me.

Health - I would love to get my fitness and eating habits in check. I feel like it's something that I have been uncomfortable about since I was a very young girl and I don't know why I keep putting it off when I know that it's something I can achieve with a little hard work and determination. 

Success - I would love to do something with my life, change something in this world - whether it's one persons perspective or another persons day. I feel as though I have wasted so many days and hours just lounging around and not doing anything worthwhile. I feel like my excuse was that I was young and I didn't need to be busting my ass quite yet. I don't like that feeling of lounging anymore. All it does is make me feel restless. I want to make a difference. 

Intelligence - I want to actually try when it comes to my school work. Read the chapters in advance, do all of my homework, ask the professor whatever questions I have without worrying if I look stupid. I don't have time to waste on my education if I want to be out changing the world one step at a time before I'm 25. I know I am an intelligent person, I just want to actually take advantage of it this year.

xx

Feeling Overwhelmed.

So i've recently started school, yeah?

this is a little bit how I'm feeling: what have I gotten myself in to?

I am one for procrastination when it comes to homework and reading chapters and taking notes and what not. I really tend to prefer to watch netflix or game of thrones. However this year I really want to change that. I've dropped out of one school to be in another for a completely different program and I want to make that worthwhile. ja feel? 

Right now I have 11 chapters of reading, 11 chapters of notes to go along with those readings, 5 quizzes, and a midterm within the next week. That's right, before monday. It's saturday night. I don't know about you but that feels like a hell of a lot more than I'm used to. It feels impossible. 

I want to be able to power through this and I encourage everyone who's feeling a similar way to try and power through whatever they're facing as well! 

Hopefully this overwhelmed feeling will start to subside. 

xx

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Love, Love, Love.

Is it just me, or does everyone have those clothes that they would absolutely love to be able to pull off and spends hours just staring and wishing but never getting them? Yeah, probably just me. Either way, with another snow day/sick day I've found myself spending my morning on online websites like Topshop and Asos looking at things that I would LOVE to have and rock but just can't. Sad face.

I thought I would share a few with some of you :)

 http://www.asos.com/ASOS/ASOS-Jumper-Dress-With-V-Neck-in-Fine-Knit/Prod/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=4621926&cid=8799&sh=0&pge=0&pgesize=204&sort=-1&clr=Camel&totalstyles=1930&gridsize=3

 http://www.asos.com/ASOS/ASOS-Top-with-Mesh-and-Pretty-Floral-Embellishment/Prod/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=4542359&cid=4169&sh=0&pge=1&pgesize=204&sort=-1&clr=Pink&totalstyles=1028&gridsize=3

 http://us.topshop.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?beginIndex=0&viewAllFlag=&catalogId=33060&storeId=13052&productId=17907200&langId=-1&categoryId=&parent_category_rn=&searchTerm=TS26G13HRST&resultCount=1&geoip=home

 http://us.topshop.com/en/tsus/product/clothing-70483/tops-70498/petite-lace-bralet-3209598?bi=401&ps=200

 http://us.topshop.com/en/tsus/product/clothing-70483/tops-70498/embellished-cut-out-tunic-3281852?bi=601&ps=200

 http://us.topshop.com/en/tsus/product/clothing-70483/pants-70502/cropped-peg-trouser-3527962?bi=1&ps=200

http://us.topshop.com/en/tsus/product/clothing-70483/rompers-and-jumpsuits-2281954/sparkle-velvet-plyst-3491693?bi=1&ps=200

All of these items are absolutely stunning, totally out of my price point, and things I could most certainly NOT pull off. But that's alright, I'll be saving my money eyeing them from afar ;)

Leave a comment telling me what sorts of clothing you love to rock!
xx

Icky Sicky Haley Has a Cold

Out of things that happen in your average day to day life, getting a cold has to be one of the most utter crap things that can happen. For me, my cold has fallen on the first day of my new school which I was so looking forward to but couldn't because of this and about three feet of snow outside. I have spent the entire day indoors oddly enough wishing that I could be out learning but instead my head is pounding, my muscles are sore, and my nose is continually flowing like a not-so-beautiful fountain.

It probably doesn't help that I'm one of those people who doesn't like to take cold medication, I just like to tough it out so that I know when I'm actually getting better and I'm not wasting $40 to feel kinda sorta alright. In the end, there are few things that I can do to make myself feel better. I do however, have a list of things that do.

1. Take a long hot bath with some pretty smelling bath bombs and candles and a movie that you're dying to watch. Just relax. I know I tend to shy away from baths when I'm sick cause the heat makes me all sweaty when paired with my fever but I always feel better after sweating a little of the sick out.

2. Drink tea. Drink tea all day, every day. Drink tea like today is your last day. DRINK TEA AS THOUGH YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT... 'cause let's be honest, it kind of does.

3. Eat cookies and soup. Maybe limit yourself on the cookie intake but I know that things like cookies and soup just makes my mouth and throat happy and I have to say, it's nice to have a least one part of your body happy when the rest feels awful.

4. Take lots of naps. I don't care if it's 9 at night and I'll wake up at 1. Your body is tired and it needs it's rest to take care of itself. Listen to what it tells you and don't push it too much.

5. Lastly, drink lots of fluids. I know this is kind of a given and it's scientifically proven to help and it's not really a treat yo self kind of thing but whatever. Drink water, loads of it. Drink orange juice - less of it because it's just sugar but the vitamin C is so worth it. Just stay hydrated 'aight.

I honestly don't even know if any of that really makes sense and if my grammar is awful I am sorry but NOT SORRY. I'm sick, I don't have time for grammar. Sorry mom.

xx

Things.

here are 25 facts about me that you didn't ask for, you're welcome. 

 

1. this one is a great never have I ever play - I bit my tongue in half when I was an infant

2. I am hard of hearing

3. I'm 19 years old 

4. I am Canadian

5. I have had two youtube channels, neither of which were successful, boo

6. I was born the day after halloween

7. I have a guinea pig named pumpkin

8. I'm right handed 

9. Every year I say I miss the snow and like the snow and then the snow comes and I hate it with a burning fiery passion. In other words I'm a wee bit fickle. 

10. I can play 5 instruments very well. 

11. I used to be obsessed with Harry Potter.. still kinda am if I'm honest. 

12. My left foot is about a half inch smaller than my right

13. Mashed potatoes are my favourite food next to stuffing (ILOVETHANKSGIVING)

14. I have never been outside of North America

15. I have a cat who's nickname is satan.

16. I've been on two missions trips with my church (one to mexico and one to grenada) 

17. I am very ticklish on the back of my neck

18. I broke my wrist in sixth grade 

19. I'm absolutely awful at saving money

20. I still sleep with a blanky - don't judge.

21. I lived in a dorm for a year 

22. I now live at home

23. I consider my parents friends because I'm super lame and have very few actual friends 

24. I was paleo for about three months last year - don't do it. 

25. I have been in two fender benders in the last two years... whoops.

Where I'm Going.

I decided to write this as a follow up to yesterday's post.

As some of you may know (a very small little amount of you) I have decided to stop my education at my previous university (UBCO) and move to a smaller college that is in the region. I have quite a few reasons for this, for example

1. The most important is that I'm going into a four year business degree at this college, which has better rankings and turn out for post-education than the universities program. Shocker, right?

2. I can't continue doing an hour commute to school three or more times a week. I'm starting to worry that I know the route too well and one day I'll be over tired and convince myself that I am able to drive it while asleep. I wonder if someone would give me a medal if I could...

3. I wasn't myself when I was at my previous school, I had too many bad memories there, too many familiar faces that made me feel like utter crap when I walked by them.

4. I wanted a chance to start over in a sense. I'm not talking about running away from your unsolved problems and hoping that things will be different somewhere new, but instead accepting who you are and trying to grow within that.

I want to try to be more outgoing from the beginning, and not making rash decisions based on first impressions about potential friends. I think that this chance will be a good one for me, and I think that it will help me grow.

Here's to growing.
xx

Being Me.

I'm not entirely sure why I'm writing this. I think it's more for me to realize that I've grown as a person throughout this year and maybe it'll let me justify my decisions and actions in the past so that I can continue to grow in the future.

I'm sorry that i've been absent.

I started 2014 at Jessica's house with Andrew and Stefanie. I went back to school. I hated my life, I hated waking up, having to shower, being around the people that I used to call friends, being away from my parents, I hated trying to fall asleep and the way that my body looked, I hated that I gave up on my grades and my fitness and my independence. I relied on my parents more than I ever have before. I began Cipralex, met other girls who were taking much higher doses, and slowly tried to learn to love myself again. I went home every weekend, and dreaded going back to school when the weekend was over. I finished my first year of University, I vowed that I wouldn't go back. I started working at a restaurant and learned the in's and out's of hospitality and the restaurant industry. I began to grow, learn to be more outgoing. I learned to smile when meeting new people, to not be hesitant to ask someone how their day was going. I learned to be okay with picking up the phone and talking to someone that I had never met before. I went to North Carolina and met a parrot named Boca, spent time with my boyfriend and was able to attend his father's surprise wedding. Our relationship grew stronger after being apart for three months. I decided to go back to university despite my vow not to. I tried to throw myself into five courses while stopping my medication. It didn't work. I felt like my world was crashing around me and I didn't know how to fix it. Back on medication. With the help of my parents I decided to drop three of my courses and only stay with one that I liked and one that I needed. I turned 19, had my first clubbing experienced and simultaneously realized that clubbing isn't really my thing. I finished the first semester of my second year and relaxed at home when I could between work. I got ready for christmas, spent as much time with my family and friends as I could. I ended my year in Hawaii with my boyfriend, his mother and step-father, his sister and her boyfriend, as well as her boyfriend's parents. I fell in love with Hawaii and realized how everything sort of falls into place there and my body and heart felt content with the surroundings. I got over my fear of being separated from my parents for a lengthy time, as well as my fear of being on an island where tsunami's could hit me. I continued to grow and be more happy with myself and the life that I been blessed with. I realize that I have a very long way to go before I will feel that I am the person I am meant to be, but I have also learned that it is okay to take your time getting there. After all, we're only human, right?

My resolution for 2015 is to continue to grow and discover myself. I would like to be open to opportunity when it presents itself. Travel when the time is right. Love everyone who crosses my path, despite whatever flaws they may have. It'll take time, but I am looking forward to the journey that leads to being content with being me.