Being Me.

I'm not entirely sure why I'm writing this. I think it's more for me to realize that I've grown as a person throughout this year and maybe it'll let me justify my decisions and actions in the past so that I can continue to grow in the future.

I'm sorry that i've been absent.

I started 2014 at Jessica's house with Andrew and Stefanie. I went back to school. I hated my life, I hated waking up, having to shower, being around the people that I used to call friends, being away from my parents, I hated trying to fall asleep and the way that my body looked, I hated that I gave up on my grades and my fitness and my independence. I relied on my parents more than I ever have before. I began Cipralex, met other girls who were taking much higher doses, and slowly tried to learn to love myself again. I went home every weekend, and dreaded going back to school when the weekend was over. I finished my first year of University, I vowed that I wouldn't go back. I started working at a restaurant and learned the in's and out's of hospitality and the restaurant industry. I began to grow, learn to be more outgoing. I learned to smile when meeting new people, to not be hesitant to ask someone how their day was going. I learned to be okay with picking up the phone and talking to someone that I had never met before. I went to North Carolina and met a parrot named Boca, spent time with my boyfriend and was able to attend his father's surprise wedding. Our relationship grew stronger after being apart for three months. I decided to go back to university despite my vow not to. I tried to throw myself into five courses while stopping my medication. It didn't work. I felt like my world was crashing around me and I didn't know how to fix it. Back on medication. With the help of my parents I decided to drop three of my courses and only stay with one that I liked and one that I needed. I turned 19, had my first clubbing experienced and simultaneously realized that clubbing isn't really my thing. I finished the first semester of my second year and relaxed at home when I could between work. I got ready for christmas, spent as much time with my family and friends as I could. I ended my year in Hawaii with my boyfriend, his mother and step-father, his sister and her boyfriend, as well as her boyfriend's parents. I fell in love with Hawaii and realized how everything sort of falls into place there and my body and heart felt content with the surroundings. I got over my fear of being separated from my parents for a lengthy time, as well as my fear of being on an island where tsunami's could hit me. I continued to grow and be more happy with myself and the life that I been blessed with. I realize that I have a very long way to go before I will feel that I am the person I am meant to be, but I have also learned that it is okay to take your time getting there. After all, we're only human, right?

My resolution for 2015 is to continue to grow and discover myself. I would like to be open to opportunity when it presents itself. Travel when the time is right. Love everyone who crosses my path, despite whatever flaws they may have. It'll take time, but I am looking forward to the journey that leads to being content with being me.